We’ve all come across them. In fact, there is no escaping them. They surround you wherever you go, making your seemingly non-hazardous stroll across the street a gravely dangerous decision. No, I’m not talking about pedophile rapist priests this time. I’m talking about horrendously shitty drivers.
I’ve created the above venn diagram (courtesy of GraphJam.com) to illustrate the types I will now summarize. It isn’t difficult to understand. There are a few major categories that most people will fit into, and I’m confident you already share my absolute hatred of these stupid motherfuckers.
- Women (Especially Teenage Girls)/Cell Phone Users/Texters – They’re all pretty much the same thing. Some people can get away with occasionally texting while driving. Most women, however, can’t get away with fucking driving while driving. Maybe it would be easier to drive an oven or a dishwasher?
- Old People – Sometimes you see these wrinkly pieces of shit looking lost as fuck, driving 35 MPH in the fast lane down I-95. Who the fuck taught these assholes how to drive … George Washington? Shouldn’t they be dead by now? You can spot these motherfuckers a mile away, since you’ll see their brake lights blowing up for no reason, ESPECIALLY when nothing is in front of them. I hate these dipshits.
- Asian People – Asians drive just as poorly as old people, but they can’t blame old age for their shitty ass driving. What else do they have left to blame? If i knew, I’d tell you. Maybe knowing how to speak ‘Merican gives you some kind of driving advantage. Whatever it is, these fucks don’t have it. Stick to Math, fried chicken, and Starcraft. STEREOTYPES LOL!!!111111
- Sports Car Drivers – I don’t know what it is about driving a sweet BMW or Benz that makes these dipshits drive like they have a 2002 Kia Sportage. They have 300HP under their hoods; they need to quit wasting that shit. If they drop $50k on a sick ride, they better drive that shit like it’s stolen. Is it that they’re too scared that they’re going to get a scratch? Cry me a fucking river. When you pull into Starbucks for your douchey orange mocha frappuccino with a side of asshole, I’m gonna key the fuck out of it anyway. I hope you get into a car crash that leaves you in a wheelchair; that way, you can go your slow ass speed all day long and not fuck up my commute.
- Black People (Not Nearly As Bad As Others) – I don’t know what it is about these fuckers. They love to ride my ass with their fake-ass black police interceptor, but then proceed to block the shit out of everyone trying to actually go somewhere, all while talking on their piece of shit push-to-talk Nextel phones from the late 90’s. Since when was that EVER cool? Oh right, it wasn’t, you annoying pieces of shit.
On a side note: Isn’t it strange that Tiger Woods fits into about half of these categories? I guess getting the shit beaten out of you by your golf club-wielding wife while driving to the nearest tree would make you a bad driver too.
What’s your most hated kind of driver? All of the above? Tell me in the comments.
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