16) At least 1/3rd of our politicians should NOT have college degrees.
17) You know all that shit you hear about, “Drinking a cup of coffee per day reduces your chances of getting..” Blah, blah, blah? They should not be allowed to say that, because then someone else will show you a study that shows how that same cup of coffee increases your chances of getting colon cancer or some shit. It’s all bullshit anyway. Just let me drink my fucking coffee in peace?
18) Men, when speaking of their own diseases, can call them whatever they feel like. “Yeah, I got that ass cancer. Let me tell you, shitting out of a hole in my stomach is a real mixed bag.” Only men can do that though (sorry ladies) because when a woman get’s sick, I feel really bad about it.
19) Nick Cage should A. Stop acting, and B. change his name back to Coppola.
20) If your acting career takes a shit, and you are in fact an actor, you should be willing to take small, good roles instead of trying to make more shitty “blockbusters.” Tom Cruise did this recently, and it was a smart move. When Robery Downey, Jr.’s career took a poop, what did he do? He took small roles. Now he’s got 3 additional Iron Man movies lined up on contract and can get whatever role he wants.
21) No one should make you feel bad, or that you have to watch what you say around them just because you like to curse. “Fuck” is the most versatile word in the English language; it can be used as any part of the sentences, as a sentence in itself, or as every word of a sentence… well, minus “the.” “Fucking the fucking fucker!”
22) McDonald’s should change their slogan. I HATE “I’m lovin it.”
23) That reminds me: Learn to spell. If you misspelll (sp?) words frequently, you ought to have to have those particular words tattooed (sp?) on your arm. Non-dominant hand of course.
24) If you’re busy masturbating, you should just say so. Don’t come up with an excuse, just yell out, “Cranking it!” and you’ll get like 45 minutes of peace. Actually…. that makes me think…. I hate being bothered when I’m trying to sleep….. I could just say that when people call me too…. or maybe have it as my voicemail? “If you’re getting this message, I’m busy romancing myself. I will call you back eventually.”
25) You can use alot of these “………” when you’re typing. It’s a place-holder… it’s an indicator of a pause. If you want to use more than 3, that’s ok too.
26) You should be required to use, at least one, comma per sentence. Preferably 2.
27) Until you are 18, you should be required to wear non-descript clothing that covers most of your body. That’s one place I actually do (seriously) agree with Muslims (to a degree). Stop dressing like a Prosti-tot.
28) (EMS related one) When your partner asks you, “Do you have the county print out?” You response, three times in a row, may never be, “Grandma got run over by a petunia!” Firstly you retard, that’s not even close to how the song goes. Secondly, it’s not cute. Thirdly, when I ask that question THREE FUCKING TIMES, guess what- I actually wanted a real answer.
29) That reminds me: “Retard” is funny. If you can’t take that as a joke, you’re a retard.
30) If your job is shitty, you ought to be automatically allowed to fuck with people at a level proportional the suckiosity of said job.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
haha! “prosti-tot” – I love it. I would say more but I’m going to be busy romancing myself.
Yeah man, you gotta ask for ID nowadays.
“So you’ve been a brain surgeon for 25 years and your grandkids are following you into the industry? Jeez, I’d really like to get our fuckin’ on, but I’m going to need some goddamn ID Doogie Howser.”
They put hormones in milk nowadays, so 12 year olds look like they’re in their late forties. Seriously. Insist on two forms of ID.
That made me just think of an old Organic Chemistry joke- “What’s a hormone? Ohhhh! Ohhh! Ohhh! Not in the ass!” Get it… “What’s a whore moan?”
SKIDOOO!! would like some butter for your corn?