There, I said it. Many of you were thinking it but are a bunch of pussies and won’t put your cards down on the table. You, yourself, are one of said assholes, and you may want to take a minute or two to consider that your phone caused you to be this way.
This might be the first time in world history that a phone actually has the power to turn people into complete assholes. Don’t know what I mean? Look at the statistics for the piece of shit iPhone app store. Here is some data from appleinsider.com:
Just 20% of users even return to run a free application again the day after it’s downloaded. As time goes on, that decline continues, eventually settling below five percent at the one month elapsed mark and nearing zero after three months.
This dumb bitch has lost all of her friends because she has an iPhone. She isn't even talking to anyone.
In case you are stupid, which you probably are, and cannot understand simple fractions, let me break this down for you. The fucking pathetic app you downloaded on your annoying piece of shit phone that lets you pour virtual beer or shake a virtual lightsaber at your friend who doesn’t give a shit – you probably won’t use it more than once. The stupid ass programs you think are so hilarious for a day are about as cool as a dollar store toy. Remember how cool dollar store toys are? Oh, you probably don’t because you’re a spoiled little bitch. Also, because THEY AREN’T COOL. Go to hell.
I have a phone. It is pretty good at making phone calls, sending text messages with a QWERTY keyboard, and has really good internet. In fact, my internet is better than yours. My e-penis just grew about 1″. My plan costs approximately 1/3 of your stupid iPhone plan. The difference is I don’t spend my entire day on my phone. I also don’t go around shoving my phone in anyone’s face and rubbing in how much better I am than they are. That’s what the internet is for.
I’m sick and tired of hearing how awesome your phone is from you douches. Just because you have an iPhone does not give you the sudden right to be a blatant asshole and have nobody call you out on it.
Remember the good old days? When you went out to a bar to spend some good drinking time with your friends, you actually spoke to eachother? Well, wake the fuck up; those days are over. Now your friends sit there like zombies basking in the warm glow of their glorious Apple hardware/software, and not a single person says, “Dude, what the fuck are you doing? Are you watching iGay iPorn or hanging out with your goddamn friends who are sitting next to you in REAL LIFE?”
Well, I’m saying it. Wake up, assholes.
Credit goes to Molly for reminding me how much I hate my jackass friends with iPhones, and inspiring my first post in a couple months. Thank you.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
But it’s soooo cooool when I pour the beer from side to side. It’s like a real beer! Except it’s not really. And I’m not at a bar. Or with anyone. In fact I am alone watching it go back and forth. Maybe I should drink myself into a stupor. Or take a bath with a toaster. I’m up for suggestions.
i love my iphones. they make live good.
@Frugallane Really? a blog about being frugal and you own the iphone? Come on now cookie!
*sigh … you just made everyone’s point by mis-spelling “life” on your stupid touch screen. Douche!
Hate much? You need professional help because you’re an even bigger asshole.
ouch, my online identity on this website is really hurting right now. nice attempt at a personal stab at someone you don’t know. just so you know, that was sarcasm, since you are apparently unable to detect different types of humor.
I agree totally, iPhone are the greatest device ever invented, and make surfing the internet from your phone actually pleasurable, unlike every over phone out there. The amazing number of apps you can get is, well ,truly amazing, apps to do anything you want, and anything you could ever want. And most of there are either for FREE or cost 1 dollar, can you believe it. Every other phone company is shaking in their boots, and they are all soon going to release their own iPhone knock-offs. Problem is, they still don’t get it, most of these are built in Windows Mobile, the most unfriendly OS from Micrsoft ever, and that is saying something.
So cheers to you sir, for standing up and saying something that needs to be said, yes we are the future. Yes the iPhone is the single greatest piece of technology in the last few years. I agree completely.
None of us really ever used to talk to each other anyway. Now with our awesome iPhones we can at least break up the awkward silence with some lightsaber action.
I can fuck some shit up with my pink lightsaber. I call him “Dr. Kenneth Nosewater”