A few years ago, I had a fantastic email exchange with an openly homosexual tooldouche who happened to think that it is perfectly acceptable to have a terribly designed, all-flash website for LAN parties with annoying background music. I didn’t know him at the time… well, I still don’t know him, but I wanted to make sure he knew exactly how shitty his website was. Check it out below.
From: Kevin
Date: Mar 27, 2007 9:46 PM
Subject: the site
To: Russ
hey, my name is kevin. i’m friends with someone you know, james _____. he knows i’m a hardcore gamer and recommended that i check out your site. while i obviously think having lan parties is a sweet idea, i’m going to try extremely hard not to sound like an asshole here. nah, i’m going to sound like one anyway. your website looks like fucking shit. do you have any experience making websites whatsoever? the music plays while the site loads and is unstoppable. what internet god died and deemed this possible/acceptable? the overall design ain’t bad… but IT’S ENTIRELY IN FLASH. FUCK FLASH. it’s a piece of shit. oh, did i say the design isn’t bad? actually it is.
ok, now that i’ve caught my breath, here’s really what i’m writing you about. i support your cause. i’d like to attend the next event. i’d like to join the mailing list, if i could fucking see where to join it on your P.O.S. website. i offer my own personal knowledge of graphic design and web design to you/your group. if you think i’m an asshole and don’t want help with it, you’re right; i am an asshole on the internet. but i’m a shitload better at web design than the 12 year old blind kid you stole the site from. if you think this email is funny, then i’m sure we’ll get along fine and we can make an awesome site.
-kevin
From: Russ
Hello,
Thank you for your feedback. Yes, I am aware that the site does need some work. As you have so obviously pointed out, known of us are web designers and so the site was not designed by me, or anyone on our crew. I apologies that it pisses you off so but your approach to telling me so it not appropriate. The music you cannot turn off as the site is loading yes, but one you are in the site, you can turn it off by clicking the speaker next to the Music & Radio link. Believe me when I tell you this that this site looks a hell of a lot better than our old site did. Now that I have expressed my opinion on how you feel about our site. I say this too you.
How dare you e-mail me saying all sorts of nasty shit about our site and then say, oh, by the way, I would like to attend your LAN Party. That kind of attitude will get you a big fat HELL NO!
Thank you,
Russ
From: Russ
All,
May I ask who knows this guy and why he thinks that he can come off being such an asshole and then say, Oh, bye the way, I would like to come to the LAN Party. Someone, whoevers friend this maybe, tell him to try his approach again and maybe he can come.
Russ
From: J
True, but this is unmitigated spleen being vented, along with a holier-than-thou attitude.
I, as I think I’ve made clear, am not fond of flash even for splash screens. I think that reducing the cost of the site from $50/mo to $10/mo or so would be a great idea, and HTML pages are not all that hard to code. Regardless, I’ve not written an e-mail comparing the current site to corn-laden feces being flung about at random by a syphilitic baboon with bad teeth and a comb-over. There’s no need for that.
Want to swing your e-cod? Do it after fragging me, not while trying to get a spot at the party.
-J
From: Kevin
oh, i wasn’t trying to get a spot at the party. honestly, i could care less about it. i have a great time playing against other people with excellent web pages all the time. actually, if anyone wants to join the real lan party at my house every night, you’re welcome to come. the only requirement is no pants… is that cool? see you there… naked.
lighten up. -kev
From: Jim
Flash rocks he saved the universe from Ming the Merciless & fought huge phallic ships while doing so, all the while being serenaded by Freddy Mercury in fabu suspenders. Also myslef and Ed are attempting to build a CS-S map in hammer but hammer is a big floppy donkey dick, so if anyone is familiar w/ hammer & doesnt have some hard-on against the savior of the universe drop us a line. Map will included church w/ secret priest pedo room/dungeon. Seriously. Hostage rescue. Oh yeah & I will be blatantly aimbotting btw.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Russ is an idiot; and corn-laden shit is always a go at my household.
This is a pretty funny exchange. I try to tell people all the time that music playing when a site loads is inappropriate and also that usability studies show flash splash screens (lots of flash in general) is abhored. You were a *wee* bit harsh though!
Harsh? Fuck that noise, man. I do what I want.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKHLHDGPIvM
You go ahead and give it 47 seconds.
I h8 LAN parties they suck major DONG