D.P. Dough Loves Steaming Calzones On Their Chests.

This is how I felt, and looked, as I waited for my food all fucking day.

To preface the forthcoming email breakdown that is about to occur, please let me give you a bit of information about what actually happened here. At 12:21 pm on Friday, September 11, 2009, I placed a delivery order for three calzones from the D.P.Dough in College Park, Maryland. By 1:30 pm, they had not arrived and I had not received a phone call indicating any status of the order. By 3:00 pm, the order had still not arrived. The manager claims that the delivery driver attempted to call me twice, but I did not have any missed calls or voicemails. Would you believe him? I sure fucking don’t. On with the emails, motherfuckers. Here is my first email to “Corporate”, if you can even give those assclowns that much credit.

This is an enquiry e-mail via http://dpdough.com/ from:
Kevin

I placed an order via CampusFood.com at approximately 12:21pm today. It was order #********. At 1:30pm, I called the College Park, MD, location to find out why the food was so delayed. The person that answered the phone said, “We stopped delivering there because it’s too much of a hassle. Someone was supposed to call you. Your food is sitting here ready to go, but the driver got stuck behind a car accident.”

I’ve also previously made orders without the driver even attempting to call my phone when arriving, and simply turning around and bringing the order back to the store. This level of customer service is ridiculously poor. I enjoy your food, but I am ready to walk away from your company forever.

The response from David Schylling, the apparent owner of the company, was slightly less than helpful, basically rehashing the bullshit I had already heard without providing any compensation for my time and lack of a fucking lunch. Also, he decided to burn campusfood.com and told me not to user their site to order! Really?

Kevin,

I spoke with our manager in College Park about your order. I apologize for the negative experience you had. It looks like a number of things happened that afternoon with your order. First, there was a bad accident on Route 1 which delayed our delivery driver and unfortunately delayed all of our delivery orders for an hour or two. Secondly, when the driver got to your building he did try to call your phone, but was not able to reach you. Finally, the Archives II building has always been out of our delivery area. You have most likely received deliveries there because the employee taking your order did not know your address.

Campusfod.com does not know our exact delivery area nor an exact delivery time. We frequently receive orders from Campusfood.com that our out of our delivery range. You would not believe the amount of orders we get from outside of Maryland! We usually catch most of them and let the customer know as soon as possible. I apologize for not letting you know as soon as we received your order that your address was outside of our range.

I hope helps to explain the problems of last Friday. We look forward to seeing you soon. By the way, next time call in your order and save $1.75 in Campusfood.com charges!

Thanks,

David Schylling
DP Dough, owner

Bad customer service pushes my buttons. This guy’s customer service is total shit. I decided to write him a very nice response and copy one of the guys who works over at campusfood.com and see what he had to say about it. Here goes…

Dear Mr. Schylling,

I have fond memories of drunkenly gorging on mounds of D.P. Dough as a student at Pennsylvania State University. When I found out there was a D.P. Dough in College Park, Maryland, I was ecstatic. The first few times ordering were less than stellar, but I continued to give your company a chance because I enjoy the food. After the most recent experience, I regret to inform you that I, nor anyone that I know (including friends and those that I work with and actually recommended D.P. Dough to on the most recent order. Why would I do such a thing?), will ever be a D.P. Dough customer again.

It is unfortunate to experience such a low level of customer service from what I thought was a decent company. Penny Haley would be disgusted with how you handled this situation. As people who have been in the business of customer service for many years, I am confident that both you and I are familiar with how a single negative experience with a business can propagate and permanently tarnish that business’ reputation. You have taken absolutely no steps to even attempt to keep me as a loyal customer and handle this customer service situation. Maybe you should attend a customer service seminar to learn how to handle these kind of things; I’m sure it would improve the quality of your business. Your response was a rehashing of “facts” that I’ve already heard. I thought that, by escalating this issue to someone higher up in your company, you might actually care about my situation and help remedy it. I guess I was wrong.

By the way, here is a quick summary of this entire email, if you actually took the time to read it: Your company sucks major dick. I’ve actually physically witnessed your company go down on guys, and I read about it on Wikipedia too. I didn’t think that it was true until just now. Fist yourself without lube, and have a wonderful day while doing so.

Regards,
Kevin

The campusfood.com guy actually replied to me and hooked me up with a $10 gift certificate for my frustrations, even though it had absolutely nothing to do with them and was solely because of D.P.Dough’s oversight.

Disclaimer: I didn’t actually witness a company go down on a guy. That doesn’t even make sense. It also wasn’t on Wikipedia. It might have been, but I didn’t see it.