What will you be doing when the world ends?
According to the Mayans, we are all going to die very soon. Have you thought about what you will be doing when the time comes? It may not be December 12, 2012… it could be tomorrow. Maybe you should plan it out. I have. I’ve figured out what the optimal plan of action will be for the end of the world.
I’ve heard some people talk about bomb shelters and survival packages. This is bullshit. When everyone is going to fucking die, it kind of defeats the purpose of hiding with a bunch of shitty freeze-dried food. Are you hoping the food somehow saves your stupid ass from dying? That’s the thing about the end of the world. IT’S THE FUCKING END. Maybe some people don’t quite understand this.
The correct plan of action for me is very simple. I will shit my pants. Here’s why. Think of any other appropriate time to shit your pants and be happy about it. The only other times you can happily do so are when you’re either very young or very old. I can assure you that none of my readers are either of these so I’m sure you see where I’m coming from.
If you shit your pants when you’re the only one going to die, you will get laughed at. For example, if you get hit by a car and shit your pants, dogpound will take you to the hospital and he, along with other staff, will laugh at how you shit your pants. This is because shitting your pants is funny, unless you are the one that did it.
Additionally, once you’re taken to get cleaned up for your funeral, the funeral home artist will have to clean your dirty ass. Do you wish that upon anyone? That isn’t funny. It isn’t pleasurable for you or him/her. This is why shitting your pants under normal death circumstances is not a good look for you. Try not to.
If the world is ending, however, the situation changes considerably. If everyone around you is dying and shitting their pants, they are doing so because they did not plan for the end of the world and are not sure what else to do. They will have a look of terror and confusion on their faces as the 30-story tidal wave engulfs the horizon. I will not. I will have a gigantic smile, since I am absolutely ready for this event. I will shit my pants and know that there will be absolutely no repercussions for the first time and last time in my life. Nobody will laugh except me, and nobody will have to clean my ass after I’m dead. What will you do?
um, I will be right there with you in the crapping party. I may be the maid of honor even.
hahahahaha… I’m moving to the moon next week so I’ll have a front row seat
You lucky bastard. Well, have fun breathing and all that other stuff that is necessary to live up there.