All that is wrong with the Internet is summed up in this single conversation.
These days, with the flood of single-serving websites, we are inundated with amusing content on a daily basis. Many of these sites have gotten book deals and go on to fill the douche racks at Urban Outfitters, if they’re lucky. However, with the amount of hilarious content, there comes an even greater amount of fucking stupid content — shit that is so unfunny it will make you think you’re funnier than the author. See what they did there? You’re wrong too, moron; you aren’t funny either.
“[It's] a vicious, self-perpetuating cycle of inanity”
-some dipshit who thinks he’s funny
Back before the Internet became saturated with unfunny guyblowers, it was a requirement to have a good sense of humor and natural writing skills to ejaculate comedic value all over your readers. If you weren’t funny, people would simply not read your site. Nowadays, any shithead with a Tumblr or Facebook account can post a picture of a cat, or a dude throwing a cat, or a dude sucking another dude off who is throwing a cat that is playing a keyboard, and their website will get millions of visitors.
Here’s the thing about these sites: They all started out funny. They had a small pool of hilarious user-generated submissions that brought traffic in. When the funny submissions started fizzling out, they either did one of two things:
1) Bitches got lazy and started accepting any old stupid shit that was submitted (example: Failbooking)
2) The editors (whom we must assume have great senses of humor) actually read the submissions and sifted through piles of unfunny Dane Cook amateur shit to find that one Mitch Hedberg nugget.
Below, I’ve attempted to do the latter and given you some of my recommendations on what sites you should read and what sites you should spit on if you ever see them homeless on the side of the street asking you for money and smelling like cat piss while shitting their pants and giving a free toothless BJ to your neighbor who you always suspected was different because he says he drives a Prius for the gas mileage AND thinks it looks cool. Plus, he buys all his overpriced shirts from Urban Outfitters. Seriously, dude?
The Good:
- Awkward Family Photos – A perfect example of a well-executed, hilarious, disturbing single-serving website that will make you want to see every single sick family picture until you realize you’re just as creepy for looking at all these creepy pictures. The fuck is wrong with you?
- Emails From Crazy People – The name sums it up. The funniest part about these is that they’re believably moronic. Everything on “The Bad” list below is not believable or funny. Part of the famous Cheezburger Network.
- I Am Hilarious – This dude finds some random Internet gold nearly every day, so quit wasting your time with that stupid Farmville shit and subscribe to this.
- People of Walmart – If you’ve ever been to Walmart, you know how shit-your-pants funny the people can look. Well, imagine if you and all your friends took pictures of these missing chromosomes and put them on the Internet. That’s what it’s like. It will never get old.
- FAIL Blog – Another part of the Cheezburger Network. If you don’t already know about this site, you should just quit the Internet already. It will make you spit beverages onto your monitor, so make sure to have a towel ready. Said towel can also be used to wipe up the vomit after you visit some of the ridiculously shitty websites below.
The Bad:
- Failbooking – Ironically, also from the Cheezburger Network comes this steaming pile of dogshit that isn’t worth a blowjob from a tranny with aids. You will find more original, entertaining material by watching Carlos Mencia, and THAT is an insult, my friends.
- FML (Fuck My Life) – Another prime example of people making shit up and posting it on the Internet because they think their bowel movement is made of comedy gold.
- Lamebook – A select few of these are actually funny because of the sheer stupidity involved, but overall they’re about as realistic as Pamela Anderson’s fourth pair of bazoons along with the possibility of you putting your face between them. Noodz or it didn’t happen.
- STFU, Marrieds – In case you thought your married friends jizzing lovey-dovey posts all over your Facebook wall wasn’t enough, stfumarrieds will be sure to make you want to blow your own brains out, and possibly eat a cockmeat sandwich or ten. It has the longevity of a virgin WoW player popping his first cherry, which isn’t long at all when you think about it. Oh.
- Texts From Last Night – Everyone thinks the shit they said last night while they were drunk as fuck and getting head from a midget stripper was the funniest, most hilarious shit to ever meet the Internet. Well, guess what? You weren’t getting head from a midget stripper, and whatever you made up to try to get upvoted on the “Best of” section wasn’t remotely entertaining either. Fuck off.
- Yahoo Answer Fail – Ok, we get it. Yahoo Answers is full of budding comedians. If you love kids, or you have the sense of humor of a pre-teen who doesn’t quite understand pregnancy or Mexican abortions, you will love this. Otherwise, this site needs to be fed visine and left to slowly die.
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I disagree with you on Awkward Family Photos. There are a few gems, but there’s so much ‘meh’ and overreaching to fit “awkward” that it really doesn’t work for me.
And FML falls into the same space as grouphug and postsecret fell into. In the early days, it had lots of gut-wrenchingly real stuff that was compelling to read. Then they all got popular, and the people decided to make stories, instead of sharing issues. :/
That said, I still enjoy the FML comics. They’re still worthwhile, as they work with that story mold nicely.
Well, they can’t all be great. AFP isn’t my favorite site in the world, but it is good for a few lulz.
ahhaha thats’s what he said. OOOOOOOOH !
booyah! Thanks for the love! I’ve been slacking lately, sorry…
Have to agree with you, but it’s not like the good ones are better either…
Right. Well I didn’t write this with the purpose of catering to your personal taste. Bummer for you, I guess.
IN YO FACE BIOTCH!!!
This is well written, but I do believe the lack of reasoning and explaination behind websites like Failbooking being a “steaming pile of dogshit” really weakens the article.
If I recall writing this, I do believe I mentioned numerous times where the sites run out of original, entertaining content and resort to posting sub-par quality fails. Oh wait, I could just look up and actually read it to find all that out. Plus, do I really need to explain why it’s so shitty when you can go see for yourself?
Actually, these types of sites are seeded with the best content available – content sourced by professional image gatherers. It’s when the user submissions kick in that the sites get bad.
Precisely. I can’t imagine it should take that much effort to sift through images and pick the ones that are funny, but apparently that job is too difficult for them. They consistently pick some bullshit that does not provide major LULZ.
what is this? newspaper editor fantasy camp?
You just reminded me that I haven’t checked out People of Walmart in a while. Love that site. Laughing at the analogy of cats in your 2nd paragraph!
Kevin, you need to stop talking so much about male BJs. You homo…lol
Does my Facebook account count as an Epic Fail? Because I think I’m pretty fucking funny, at least 23.785% of the time.