it doesn’t suck as much as you do. nothing does.
From the category archives:
So I was in the bathroom the other day watching this guy pee (who doesn’t) when I noticed him behaving particularly strangely. He had paper towels in his hand, which he was using to flush the urinal. He then walked to the sink, used the paper towels to turn the water on and pumped soap [...]
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We’ve all come across them. In fact, there is no escaping them. They surround you wherever you go, making your seemingly non-hazardous stroll across the street a gravely dangerous decision. No, I’m not talking about pedophile rapist priests this time. I’m talking about horrendously shitty drivers. I’ve created the above venn diagram (courtesy of GraphJam.com) [...]
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And apparently K.I.T.T. does not like idiots attempting to do burnouts inside of him. Wow, that sounded almost as gay as Knight Rider.
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Did you ever go to IHOP and order anything but breakfast food? If so, you’re a fucking idiot. In related news, some dumb ass lady ordered a salad at IHOP and got a piece of finger/fingernail in her mouth as punishment for being so stupid. What is the lesson here?
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To preface the forthcoming email breakdown that is about to occur, please let me give you a bit of information about what actually happened here. At 12:21 pm on Friday, September 11, 2009, I placed a delivery order for three calzones from the D.P.Dough in College Park, Maryland. By 1:30 pm, they had not arrived [...]
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Kanye is awesome. You know why? Because he says what we’re all thinking, but we’re too afraid to say so ourselves. He knows that we all already think that he is the next Jesus or the Beatles, but none of us say so because we are afraid of sounding blasphemous. We are a God-fearing people, [...]
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A few years ago, I had a fantastic email exchange with an openly homosexual tooldouche who happened to think that it is perfectly acceptable to have a terribly designed, all-flash website for LAN parties with background music that cannot be turned off. I didn’t know him at the time… well, I still don’t know him, but the emails that were exchanged after my initial email were all pretty classic. Check it out below.
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DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been involved in an ongoing debate about how to place the pillows on our king-size bed. Should the opening of the pillowcase face the outside of the bed or the inside? I place my pillows with the opening facing the middle of the bed so the pillow won’t [...]
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